It’s been a while since I have posted anything. I could say it’s because I have been busy, but I haven’t really been so busy I didn’t have time for this. I have been meaning to write for a while. So much has been going on that I think I just wanted to stop everything.
A great friend told me this morning if I wasn’t there trying to help everyone with everything that I wouldn’t be me. Another great friend told me this morning that I must think about me and put me first. They are both right. Sometimes I just don’t know how to be me and take care of me at the same time.
Most know that my dad has been fighting a cancer battle. I am happy to report that currently he is on the winning side. Cancer is more than 50% smaller. He will have treatments for a while and monitored but currently he is doing better.
Just when we get everything with my dad going positive, I find out my ex-husband is in the hospital after having a major stroke and heart attack. I knew something wasn’t right with him, but it took me a lot of calls to finally find something out. I have heard from him, and he didn’t sound well. I don’t know if he will recover from this stroke. I really don’t know what his future is. I will say even though he and I never had a chance to be back together I do still care what happens to him. He has nobody and I would feel terrible if something happened to him and he was all alone.
I once told my ex-husband that what he likes about me is the same thing he hates. I think that is the way most people feel. Most people love that I am such a caring person with a huge heart that wants to fix everything for everyone. The opposite of that is cold and doesn’t care. The problem is I don’t know how to be in the middle. I tend to be either all in or all out.
I always say this Sunday the message at church was so perfect. This week was no exception. I have had so many emotions and feelings lately that it will take more than one post to explain. I will say that as alone as I might feel right now, I am realizing that everything on my heart and mind will be okay. It will all work out just how it’s supposed to.