This year’s conference was not only amazing but eye opening in some places and a confirmation in other places. I often ask myself things like when is it my turn or why not me. Some days I am perfectly happy with what I have and other days I want more. One of the things I highlighted from Friday night was “Focus on what you have and not what you don’t have.” I have asked when do I (fill in the blanks) ________ more than once. When I look at it from a different perspective I see and remember that I HAVE so much more than what I don’t.
Another point I felt was what we need to STOP doing. Stop trying to make things happen in our own power. Stop trying to control things in our life and stop overthinking.
These are all things I am guilty of. I have recently tried to take control of a situation that I felt God wasn’t moving on fast enough and when I tried it turned into something toxic in the worst ways. I learned a long time ago his plans for me were so much better when he’s in the driver’s seat and not me. I tend to overthink things more when I am trying to control them. I know that when I stop going my way I don’t overthink as much and I don’t have the anxiety.
There were a couple of breakout sessions that were amazing. I wish I could have done them all. Pastor Kelly reminded us that going back into the wilderness brings strength. I can look back at some of my hardest times and know that they have made me a stronger person. Those times in the wilderness were some painful times and nobody honestly wants to invite those things. At the same time, I would not trade those hard times for anything. Those are the times I am the most grateful for.
One thing that stumped me is “figure out your identity.” That is something I will be working on figuring out. I don’t know what it is currently. Of course I am a mom, daughter, friend, employee and the list goes on but I don’t think those are “who I am.” I was made to be more.
Winning the private battles… We all have those private battles. I know I have some and I think I am going to make that list and start focusing on those one by one. Looking at them on paper each day and devoting time to be praying about those battles. I think this process will help figure out my identity. The other thing that will help is identifying what marked me and knowing those lies and labels are from the enemy. Through counseling I have identified a lot about what has made me who I was. All the battles that were hidden deep inside me. It’s time I speak those things out loud and take back the power and authority.
This conference and this group of women are so loving and supportive. I am so blessed to have people remind me of who I am and not who I am not. Women that have been in the same ugly trenches that I have been in and hold no judgement. Knowing their stories helps me see that no matter what the past the future can look very different. Know that just because I made bad choices does not make me a bad person. Don’t listen to those sitting in the cheap seats. I can either be in the wilderness 40 days or 40 years. The choice is mine.